Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize