the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
