The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
