He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
