NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
