You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
