I think im going to throw up on grandma
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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