oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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