Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I want her autograph on my taint
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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