dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
did i just pee glitter
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
