well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
