Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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