I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I need to align my fucking chakras
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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