I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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