Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
