you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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