all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
