If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
