I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm getting married
To pizza
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
