I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
