Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
