i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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