Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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