Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
