Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
