why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize