I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
