I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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