first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
