Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
