I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
