I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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