he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
