***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Randomize
