I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
