got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
