if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
