im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize