Ambien. No doubt about it.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
