She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
