worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
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