pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize