Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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