so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
