Having a random hookup so left but love u
Swine flu. Run for my life!
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
