I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
