I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Randomize
