i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
