Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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