I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
