What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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