if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
