Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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