3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
