sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
