Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
