I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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