I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
