Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize