i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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