I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
