How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
