toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
