It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Im part way to drunk.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
